Saturday, December 31, 2016

Thoughts of 2016 and 2017 addressed to all my Miami Beach Friends, along with good wishes for the New Year.

I think that God, in creating man, somewhat overestimated his ability.

Oscar Wilde

Somehow, the United States has elected a psychologically deranged, tweeter as its president, a man who cavalierly dismisses the Russian hacking of our election as something that should cause us to "get on with our lives."  This echoes the voice of Antonin Scalia, who having installed W. as president, saying "get over it."

Both of our major political parties have failed us.   The Electoral College has failed us. For the 5th time, electing a president who has won a minority of the popular vote and by a stupefying margin of almost 3 million votes, this victor claiming he would have won anyway, had he campaigned differently, by emphasizing that New York and California would have gone his way.  This is an astonishing statement, given that he lost by almost 75% of the vote in New York and California.

Now an antiquated electoral system is doing irreparable damage to our country, where a few close states make the difference and the will of the majority of the country is subverted.  What is democratic about this slavery-protecting 19th century system?   Republicans do not want to change it because the more disenfranchised progressives, the better.

Here in Miami Beach, we are still saddled with an ethically challenged Mayor, who has gubernatorial aspirations.   Some locals feel that he should run and if he wins, we will be rid of him.  He cannot be any worse than Rick Scott who was never prosecuted for his Medicare fraud shenanigans, they say.

Sorry, fellow progressives.  President Obama, a dignified, honest, deep thinker, is responsible for much of the Syrian tragedy.  By refusing to engage no-fly zones, he has contributed mightily to the destabilization of the EU, and surrendered US influence in the Middle East to the Russians and the Iranians.  The countless lives that could have been saved, European paranoia and nativism minimized, and Pax Americana maximized.   Even conceding that we were war weary as a nation, history has taught us that American isolationism has led to European catastrophe two times in the last century.   The global forces currently aligning in economics, technology and markets, will not bring the coal miners, auto workers, and other outmoded jobs back, despite Trump's empty promises.

2017 threatens to bring more warfare in the Middle East, and Obama's refusal to back Israel is an unprecedented fit of pique against Benjamin Netanyahu and his right wing coalition, many of whom would round all the Arabs up in trucks and transfer them out of the territories to  Jordan ( their country before the 1967 war),  and claim Israel now runs to the Jordan river.   Of course this will not happen, but a one state solution as Netanyahu wants could mean the demographic demise of the Jewish state.

On the one hand, a state based upon a religion is inherently antipathetic to those in other religions (as shown in Iran) and as mentioned by Thomas Jefferson who said that the preachers must be kept away from the wheels of government. But,  on the other hand, Jews having been a persecuted minority for most of their past, was given a state in 1948 and Arabs have been fulminating ever since, instead of providing an economic agenda for their people.  Nevertheless, Israel could devolve into a secular democracy if all the West Bank Arabs are incorporated into its fabric. After all, that was not so bad for the United States.  It might be the inevitable conclusion to a one state solution.   This would dismay many Jews, but they may have no choice.

Now we have a President coming on board who understands nothing about foreign policy, has no compassion for anyone but himself, and butters up Vladimir Putin, a murderous, kleptocratic, KGB fascist, who has billions hidden worldwide through his cronies and is presiding over a collapsing Russian economy in need of malign distractions to keep its constituency in check.  Those distractions might mean threats to the Baltic republics or even invasion.   Trump needs to protect these Nato members no matter how little they pay up.  Does he know that?

Will Trump be able to stand up to Putin?  Maybe.   Putin is a Russian chess player, not a job seeker on the Celebrity Apprentice. Another cold war could be on the way.   Trump now is basking in the Putin charm, but a few missteps by Vladimir might have Trump tweeting a different tune.  Skin so thin, and ego so fragile, who knows?  General Mike Flynn ( Dr. Strangelove) is the national security adviser. 
He sees conspiracy theories everywhere, and might soon be out of a job.  Trump sure knows how to say, "you're fired."

Am I suicidal about this election?  Do I think the world is coming to an end?  Do I think my Miami Beach home will be inundated soon?  Do I like the present mayor?  Am I happy Trump will be President?  The answers are no to all.

But, let us wish our new President well despite his obvious shallowness and deep character flaws and hope that he will not be impeached, leaving us with, Heaven forbid, Mike Pence who believes that evolution did not occur and that men walked the earth with dinosaurs.

Sunday, December 18, 2016

President Obama's evening with Vlad and the Donald

Somewhere secret

OBAMA:     Listen Vlad, I do not appreciate your hacking into the DNC headquarters and fooling the FBI into releasing a report about Hillary’s emails.   The next time you do this I will tell the Donald that you have looked into his eyes and seen a Capitalist pig and a lying one at that.

VLADY:    And I will tell Donald that you are trying to use Nato to keep me from restoring the USSR.     His casinos like gambling Russians, and I have assured him that if he plays along by giving me some vig, he will grow his measly $3.5 billion in net worth to approximate mine which is $85 billion,  I mean I am almost as rich as Bill Gates and Carlos Slim put together.  Plus, I will show him how to successfully hide it all from the nosy journalists, several of whom I have had to dump in the Volga.  So do not think that you left such a good legacy.   You had the chance to send in the Marines when I annexed Crimea, but you did not think it was worth it.   And you did not follow that witch Hillary's advice to create a no fly zone in Syria. Of course we hacked your election.  Wait until you see what I have in store for the Baltic Republics.  They are part of the USSR.

For example, I did a real smart deal nationalizing Yukos oil and kicking that presumptuous oligarch, Kordokovsky out of the country and "nationalizing" his wealth.   He even thinks he will be fed polonium in his tea, just like I fed Litvinenko who died a miserable death in a London hospital after my agents poisoned him.   No one read about it in the Russian press, fortunately.  He never wanted to do business with me and now sits in London, calling me a crook.  Some nerve.   I am working on this problem with some of my friends at the old KGB.  Any fool would realize that controlling the information gives me an 85% approval rating among the Soviet people. 

But I know that Donald does not drink Vodka or any liquor for that matter.  But I do. And wasn't it your Amerikansi comedian WC Fields who said, if you drink before you are forty you are crazy and if you do not drink after 40 you are twice as crazy?    Donald was my Manchurian candidate.  And now Rex Tillerson at the State Department?   My business partner?  My medal friendship winner? What a feat.  I am so manly and smartski.

TRUMP:  Hey guys, can I get into this conversation?

VLADY:  Of course you can.  What ideas do you have to deal with US-Soviet (oops Russian) relations?

TRUMP: Well I am going to build a beautiful wall on the Mexican border to keep the Soviet Mexican agents  out of Arizona and New Mexico.  And, by the way Vlady, you did an amazing job in Syria, dropping barrel bombs on school children and hospitals.  You are a strong leader.   And President Obama, you stood by while Vlad took care of those rebels, destroying Aleppo and killing thousands, causing migrations to Turkey and Europe.   Both of you have done an incredible job in destabilizing the EU. Even that German bitch Merkel is paying the price.  But you have to be careful with the Germans.  If they get angry enough, you could have another Stalingrad.     But I have a secret plan.  Not even I know how it works yet.  I am leaving that to Mike Pence, who is planning a trip to Syria.  He believes that all the problems there are caused by the failure of the Muslims to accept Jesus.

I am going to change all that with Trump hotels and casinos all over Eastern Europe to employ the Syrian refugees.  I have already planned the new Trump Istanbul, to be built with tax credits to me because I might have to sell some of my holdings to prevent the appearance of a conflict of interest.  I plan to create jobs for West Virgina coal miners by shipping them to Turkey to build Trump casinos and hotels.  And it will save money for Medicare by preventing black lung disease.

By the way the new commissioner of  Internal Revenue says he will be done with my routine audit after I have run for my second term in 2020 and then I can release my tax returns.  Vlad  wants to see them before he goes into business with me, so I may have to show my hand earlier.

And Rick Perry?  The guy, who I said needed an IQ test to be President, will do a fine job at the Department of Energy.   I picked him because he was not low Energy Bush and could not remember it when he had a brain fart and did not know which government department he wanted to abolish.  Perfect choice, believe me.

General Mike Flynn, my new national conspiracy theory advisor tells me that there is a conspiracy here in the US and to use Dr. Ben Carson, the new head of Housing and Urban Development who has a direct line to stop Lucifer from ripping  unborn babies from the womb in government housing developments.

We will fix all of that soon.  But I cannot tell you both how.  It's a secret. 

Thursday, December 1, 2016


Friends, Americans, Countrymen, and Trumpsters:

The evil that men do lives after them; the good is 'oft interred with their bones.
I come to praise Hillary, although I buried her at the polls.   Even though she got 2.5million more popular votes, I stand before you as the winner of this election, thanks to my newly evolved position on how it protects the yokels in fly over country.  I am a winner!

Despite the failing New York Time's efforts to defeat me and the fact that I did not receive the endorsement of any other major American newspaper, I stand before you as a testament to the stupidity of the electorate.   After all, wasn't it PT Barnum who said that "there is a sucker born every minute?" or H.L. Mencken who said that "no one ever went broke underestimating the taste of the American public?"

All this business of the popular vote?  I mean if I had campaigned in California and New York, I would have persuaded all those Hollywood types and Eastern elitist liberals to vote for me, so I would have campaigned differently and won anyway.  All this because I am a man of the people.  My humble abode in Trump Tower proves that, and you can be sure I will never release my tax returns now.  And so what if Tiffany customers cannot get into the store and Fifth Avenue is now blocked.  But we have a rear entrance so Melania can buy.  New Yorkers did not vote for me anyway.  What traitors.

Now, I am going to select a junta of generals to run our foreign policy, even though I said I know more than they do.    I brought Mitt Romney around to show how magnanimous I am and we had a great meal at that workman's establishment restaurant Jean Georges,  to show how we eat just like the people.  Neither Mitt nor I drink so we saved some money.  I think it is at taxpayer expense, anyway, picking the cabinet, don't you?

Frankly, I think David Petraeus would make the best Secretary of State.  After all he engineered the surge and was first in his class at West Point, even though he gave out national security secrets and pled his felony down to a misdemeanor, because he was grabbing some hot p***y.  He paid his debt to society and deserves a second chance, unlike crooked Hillary who abused her email server and killed everyone in Benghazi.

And, of course, I picked Mike Pence as VP to ensure that I would not be impeached.  He has a pea-sized brain, believing that people walked the earth with dinosaurs and evolution is just a "theory."   After all, I descended from an orange Orangutan, proving evolution is real.  Mike also thinks Newton's theory of gravity is unproven.  If he becomes president, watch out.

And all those pundits who said I have no economic plan?  Of course I do.  Tax cuts for corporations, and sinking public schools through Betsy DiVos who never saw a public school she liked.  After all she rose through the ranks of that great institution, the Amway Ponzi scheme, eminently qualifying her for office.

And my new Treasury Secretary? Steven Mnuchin What a gem. The Wall Street Journal (Fox News) loves him.

His qualification for the job is of the working class--a hedge fund operator making millions and a trader at Goldman Sachs as well as a Hollywood financier.  He has a great feel for the coal miner or the auto assembly worker. 

And then we have Wilbur Ross a billionaire investor in distressed assets, foreclosing on people and throwing them out of their homes.   But he has assured me that his perspective has evolved, as has mine.
We will have a great winning team to greaten America.

I can't wait to bomb the shit out of Iran and ISIS, scotch the Iran deal and make America great again.  Putin and the Iranians are overjoyed on the prospect that we are aligning ourselves with that great humanitarian Bashar Assad who is restoring order to his county by dropping barrel bombs on children and civilians.  And Putin does deserve to increase his sphere of influence in eastern Europe.  Just like the good old days.

So now, my fellow Americans, with malice toward none, with charity for all, with firmness in the right as God gives us to see the right, let us strive to bind up the nations wounds (if Melania can plagarize, so can I).

God Bless the Trump organization and the United States of America.